I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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