Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
