i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
