Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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