No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All the doctor said was why
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
