i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
