Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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