News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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