They should really pass out barf bags in church
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have aggressive nipples.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
