He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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