You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
