So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
