You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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