planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize