Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize