Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
