Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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