toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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