'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
