no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
