If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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