I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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