South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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