went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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