im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
