I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
