theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
