True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
