its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
