I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
