pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
