I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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