bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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