When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
