We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
