He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
