Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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