im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
