i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
