Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
