He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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