my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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