I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You pole danced in your parka.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
