he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
