i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
