I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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