I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it's like iHOP with fire
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
