so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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