Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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