People in love make me want to vomit
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
