remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
