so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
