I am spending my child support on dildos
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
