Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
now i know why i became what i already was.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
