wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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