So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
