Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
