Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
