Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
