Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
