I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
