So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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