Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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