I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
